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In television footage, the Queen can be heard saying to Princess Anne: "The prime minister got lost. He disappeared the wrong way...(up his own arse?) at the crucial moment."

Conservative leader David Cameron and Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg were also at the banquet in St George's Hall at Windsor Castle. The prime minister and French President were among 150 guests binging out on a four course meal washed down with vintage wine and champagne. The wine list included a Chateau Margaux, Premier Grand Cru Classe, 1961 and a 1982 Krug champagne.

There's been no comment (yet) from "Health Britain" (an exclusive pressure group determined to destroy any joy left in living) regarding the damage to the livers and possible alcoholic tendencies of the three "great" leaders of the main political parties.

Who Stole MY Spine?
Spineless, gormless and pissed is this really a sober Britain?